While talking with my brother in the car, I shared my recent epiphany: humans feel safe and happy when they’re in control. We constantly seek to master ourselves and our environment.
For example, we clean our faces with cleansers and mud masks, stripping away oil and dirt, and then apply moisturizer to maintain a constant level of hydration. We use primer and foundation to control the base color of our skin, ensuring that any further makeup techniques will look consistent.
We extend this need for control to our living spaces. We put a mat in front of our door and have an entrance door to limit the amount of dirt and dust that enters our homes, keeping them clean so we can feel safe, healthy, and content. We even create bins for rubbish so we can periodically clean up. Similarly, we tirelessly weed our gardens. If neglected, the garden remains, but restoring it to its former glory becomes much harder. We aim to master our environment so it is pleasing to us, and caring for it reflects our attention and effort.
This ties into the wisdom of Chinese sayings about self-mastery: “修身、齐家、平天下”, or “Master yourself and tidy your home to bring peace to the world.” To master the world and achieve great things, the first priority is mastering oneself. As another saying goes, “If you don’t sweep your room, how can you sweep the rest of the world?” Creativity may be boundless, but self-mastery puts you in the best environment and mindset to accomplish meaningful work. A spotless home may not guarantee an immediate grand success, but it demonstrates care and consistency, qualities that can lead to thoroughness and excellence in all areas of life.
Care and consistency. Such permanent principles, for nature constantly builds up, and nothing stays pristine without effort. If you believe one act of tidying should free you from future responsibilities, you’re mistaken – just as ludicrous as seeing getting into university as a chore, seeing marriage as a task to be ticked off, or having a child as the end goal to appease one’s parents. Life is a continuous stream of effort. Taking on these responsibilities consumes time, but it will make you feel safe and happy in ways that you don’t realise – because it’s never a grand gesture or a dopamine rush of happiness. Yet, it will improve your mood exponentially, knowing exactly where things are and seeing your home run.
You will harvest so much more hidden happiness that elevate your mood quietly. I’ve strangely found solace and a degree of concentration in cooking. Even just taking out the rubbish improves my mood immediately. Completing small, consistent tasks brings a quiet sense of achievement, and are concrete evidence that affirm our abilities. Practicing self-mastery in our living spaces can translate into confidence in other areas of life, including work, relationships, and personal challenges. We are solely and wholy in control of what we have, what we know and what we can do.
Consistency can also be achieved through hobbies. You can dive deeply into them or simply explore them for fun. One of my friends with ADHD told me that posting a photo of his home every day since 2017 helped him turn his life around. It grounded him, gave him confidence, and provided undeniable proof that persistence works. If one can master this, imagine what else could be achieved！
Knowing we can manage what we have gives a significant boost to self-assurance. I see many self-help books attempt to teach routines, but it can be as simple as following the principle of “修身、齐家、平天下”.